Saturday, August 25, 2012

Yee-Haw! Texas Judge Vows to Defend Lubbock County from Obama and the United Nations

Meanwhile, the jury is still out on the important question of whether there is something in the air or soil in Texas that makes people stupid, or whether stupid people just all move to Texas.

No clarification on this point can be had from the latest statement by Tom Head, a judge in Lubbock County, Texas.  Speaking to reporters from—you’ll never guess—Fox Television, he predicted civil war if Barack Obama is reelected as United States president, and vowed to stand alone if necessary against the United Nations.

Hizzoner, Tom Head
As Head put it, “He’s going to try and hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the U.N.  Okay.  What’s going to happen when that happens?  I am thinking worst case scenario—civil unrest, civil disobedience, civil war maybe.  And we’re not talking just a few riots here and demonstrations.  We’re talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms and get rid of the guy.  Now what’s going to happen if we do that, if the public decides to do that?  He’s going to send in U.N. troops.  I don’t want ’em in Lubbock County.  Okay.  So I’m going to stand in front of their armored personnel carrier and say, ‘You’re not coming in here.’  And the sheriff, I’ve already asked him, I said, ‘You gonna back me?’  He said, ‘Yeah, I’ll back you.’  Well, I don’t want a bunch of rookies back there.  I want trained, equipped, seasoned veteran officers to back me.”

Lubbock County, Texas.
As we speak, Ban-ki Moon is looking at this map in the U.N. war room, twirling his mustache,
and wondering how he could possibly conquer this last redoubt of freedom.
Later, when asked if the taxpayers would have to foot the bill for the civil war, Head said his statements had been taken out of context: “As emergency management director, I have to think of the worst-case scenario, and I used that as an example.”  Nothing like the mention of evil taxes to make a Texan Republican back-pedal from any statement.

Actually, come to think of it, my vote goes for something in the soil.

[For those who are wondering, yes, this blog is tied in with my forthcoming book, a sort of encyclopedic atlas to be published by Auslander and Fox under the title Let’s Split! A Complete Guide to Separatist Movements, Independence Struggles, Breakaway Republics, Rebel Provinces, Pseudostates, Puppet States, Tribal Fiefdoms, Micronations, and Do-It-Yourself Countries, from Chiapas to Chechnya and Tibet to Texas.  The book, which contains dozens of maps and over 500 flags, is now in the layout phase and should be on shelves, and available on Amazon, by early fall 2014.  I will be keeping readers posted of further publication news.  Meanwhile, please “like” the book (even though you haven’t read it yet) on Facebook.]

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